Fresh.

New start, new blog name. I was going to change the entire blog as the URL for this one is no longer as sentimental as it was in the past, but I couldn't find anything else that worked as well. So I don't know if a new blog name means a new direction with the blog but we will see. I read quite a number of really amazing blogs and find they talk about a number of different things, have blog 'segments' and include a hell of a lot more instagram photos than I do. My blog has never been for any one else, it's basically been an online diary that I can make look pretty, but maybe I will continue into a whole new realm of blogging. As you can see how the side I have included some IG photos (which when I become more techsavvyy I hope I will be able to convert to links) of some of my favourite photos and favourite things. I find I eat a lot of amazing food (whether out or home cooked), own a large (and growing) amount of clothes and surround myself with so many amazing people that maybe it will be nice to focus the blog on those things for a while.

My life is on track, truly happy (unlike previous statements of happiness). This time round I am taking it with a new sense of gratitude. Happiness scares me beyond belief, but that's something I will leave for another post because I need sleep now!

Cheered Up, Buttercup.

Because I am way happier today than I was on Friday (due to my new, perfect, better paying job which I start on Tuesday), I thought I would share two instagram photos which always put a big smile on my face and I thought I would remind everyone again (because I stumbled accross it today) of my favourite quote. Happy Wednesday friends.

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

When Life Gives You Lemons.

Pretty sure I did something really bad in a past life and I am still making up for it now. It almost seems since I have become an adult things keep going a little more down hill. Adulthood started off okay and then it seemed to land slide into oblivion in the past two years or so. I really thought my bad 2011 luck a wore off (or should I say I really tried to act like it had), but it seems no matter how hard I try and mentally convince myself life is good, it's not...it's like the more I try and make things good, the more I try and tell myself I'm happy the worse it gets until I am at the point where I can't even think about my current situation without having a little panic attack.

I know I shouldn't complain, especially in a forum so open that not only the people who love me, but also the people who hate me can read...but to be honest, I don't care..I'm going to complain because it's my blog and I just want to take a little minute to feel sorry for myself.

So let's sum up my day today 6.35am our car (our ONLY car as mine is still getting fixed) broke down, no it's not a flat battery and no we don't have RAC. Luckily enough we have a mechanic who will fix it all for us and Jesse's work will pay for it all. 9.05am I get fired from my job, made 'redundant' blah blah blah. I don't get much of a reason, so don't ask me why. So this sucks alot because I have bills to pay, it ESPECIALLY sucks a lot because I got fired 20 minutes before I had to go RUN AN EVENT andddddddddddd because I HATE my job anyways and never got the chance to tell my boss to shove his pathetic job up his ass.... and THEN at 9.50am I get a call from the 2nd job I had gone for a 2nd interview with to be told I didn't get the job and they have no reason because (*and I quote*) 'you interviewed great and would be amazing at the job, but so did the other candidate and we flipped a coin....he won'. However, I am pretty lucky to have another job interview lined up (though I have not only the most ridiculously low expectations but also ridiculously low self esteem right now). So that's a little plus.

I feel that no one ever really gives you five minutes to be upset when life is horribly shit. Maybe for a day or two I don't want to be 'strong', maybe I don't want to be assured 'I will be right'....maybe, I just want to feel sorry for myself, occasionally have a little panic attack about the fact I no longer have an income and MAYBE, JUST MAYBE....I don't want to hear people's smart ass comments or pointless reminder of why their day was worse than mine.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. So that's what I am doing, as usual...being strong, getting over it and moving on. As usual with no one and nothing other than myself to rely on to figure it out. I am waiting for that day in my life where things can just be good and for once, I can truly be happy with this thing which is meant to be a life. For once I want to be the person things go right for, for once I want things to go wrong for someone other than me. Yes okay, maybe I just need to man up and be strong, but maybe after being so strong for so long, I am tired of being strong and frustrated and angry that these things keep happening to me. And before anyone says it, yes life is hard, yes it's only going to get harder and yes I should stop complaining. After this little pity party, maybe I will start feeling better.