Adaptation.

I'm loving my new found adulthood, but a little unsure on where exactly I fit in to the world right now. Most of my friends are older than me...they are getting married and having babies. A number of friends are my age or younger and absolutely nothing like me in the way they live at home with their parents, spend their money on clothes and going out and have never worked 8 hours straight while the sun was still up. That leaves me in quite a predicament. I'm stuck between the age I am by number, and the age I feel by life style. Older people find it amazing that I do what I do at the age I'm at but still think I have a lot of 'maturing to do', and my younger friends think I am a crazy person. I'm stuck between where I was and where I am going.

The last few months I have been on a bit of a bender (much to the dismay of my family and much to the approval of my friends). On at least three separate occasions I have been called 'too wild' for some of the people around me. I find that concept HILARIOUS. I have come to realise I have two Jade's- normal Jade that spends nights cooking dinner, reading books, watching out-dated sitcoms and chatting idly with my boyyfie and the other Jade that drinks to the point of alcohol poisoning, dances in the middle of the street in the rain and enjoys any excuse to drink and party. What most people who consider me 'wild' don't realise is 90% of time I am sit at home read a book Jade and not crazy doing tequila shots Jade. The ratio between the two Jade's is strongly against the latter, but for some reason everyone only acknowledges the Jade that doesn't remember the night before.

This year is all about adapting into my new found adulthood and finding other ways to enjoy life than to go out with friends who find fun in nothing but night clubs. For the first time I have 'couple friends' (and may I add in many instances they are my favourite type of friends) who actually adore their partners equal to what I do and are happy to spend a boozey night with the boyfriend that out in a seedy night club. My life has become a continual balancing act between what people expected of me and what I had decided I wanted to be. For the first time in a long time, I am free to be who I think I should be and not who everyone else expects me to be.

For example I spent the better part of Wednesday night last week in the pool drinking cider with my best friend. After almost a decade of friendship it occurred to me no matter what, above anything she will be there for me thick and thin. We don't have to agree on everything, we don't have to live the exact same life styles...we can go out and party or we can sit and home and talk shit...either way it's fine. A part of adulthood is finding friends that become family. Similar to my boyfriend, my best friend is my family. She will yell at me if she needs too, she will call me on my bullshit and tell me when I'm wrong...because she can and we will love each other either way. It's situations and relationships like this one I am striving for this year. Simplistic and authentic.

I think this year is the biggest journey. Moving from a to b, I hope positive things continue to happen. I was never a believer that things or people can alter your life and your path, but I have found removing negativity enables positivity. I have surrounded myself with people who like me for me. When I say me I mean the 21 year old with a boyfriend who means it all to me, who owns a house, who would rather spend money on and with that boyfriend than anything else and who does EVERYTHING to try and maintain the perceptions of what those around me want me to be. I have come to realise that no matter what some people say or think, I'm a good friend to those who are good to me and luckily for me I have found some amazing people.

Never Ask For More.

I am loving 2012. It's all about growing up, strengthening the most important relationships & spending lots of time with this guy.

I think the reason I am so unlucky in life is because I got so lucky with him. I could never ask for more.

Eyes for Tomorrow.

The days without think about the past are the best for making a future. I would never change a thing I have done, a lesson I have learnt, the people I have lost because everything up until today makes me who I am right now. If I could snapshot this point in my life I would. If things could stay like this I would be amazed. Moving forward with no eyes for the past except the lessons I have learnt.

"Suffering is to be recognized,

Its origins eliminated;

Cessation must be actualised.

And the path cultivated"

-Buddha

I'm learning happiness comes from within. However, love sure does make happiness all the much better.

Now Listen Here.

When I was younger I always wanted to grow up. I couldn't wait for the day I was an adult and 'knew' what life was about. The day my life was my own. The day life became exactly what I wanted it to be. Since growing up I have come to love my adult life even more than I could have ever anticipated. My 'grown up' life has been a lot more difficult than I ever could have imagine. The hurdles, bumps and turns have been a lot larger and scary than anything I could have imagine, but the over side of those things have left me so happy and excited.

Other than losing the people I love in my life, nothing scares me more than happiness. Life is filled with so much disappointment so when life is bad, I feel it can't get any worse. When life is good, I feel I have so much to lose. For the first time in possibly ever I am truly happy with my life. Finally I have hit 'adulthood' and love it more than I can describe. For the first time in a long time I'm healthy and looking after myself, I trust in myself like I never have before and I trust in those around me like never before. My goal this year was to become mentally, physically and spiritually fit and healthy. Ten days in to the new year and I almost feel I'm there.

Anyone who knows me, knows I live by a few idealized quotes. One of these quotes is 'god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference'. This year that quote has come into full play in my life. I'm sick of being held down by people around me, sick of not allowing myself to be the person I want and sick of holding myself back and not letting my life head in the directions I want. In the past I have allowed the people around me to dictate the direction of my future, to try change the person I am and to bring me down. This year, I haven't and won't let that continue.

I have never been able to write about happiness. I have been writing since before I can remember, but happiness has never been a topic I have wanted to express to myself or those around me for so many different fears. This year, if I am happy I am going to write about it. I am not going to let others bring be down because I am proud of my accomplishments and happy with my life.

On a final note, I love my boyfriend. Another factor which I have always tried to suppress in worry of those around me. But he is the single most amazing and important aspect of my life and once again will become my number one priority in my life because he deserves it, and I am luckier than words can describe to have him as my own. For anyone who doesn't understand that, who find jealousy in that or who doesn't want me to be happy about that..get out of my life.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012.

I am sickeningly happy at the moment. More so than happiness, I am positive and content with the idea of what 2012 is going to bring. I have been off work for just over 3 weeks now and it has been two months since I finished school. I am so ready for my full time job. I am scared by the idea of working every day, but excited to work hard and excited for the challenge. I am not overly into horoscopes and always manage to take them with a grain of salt, but this year my horoscope seems to be summing me up and outlining exactly how I already knew I wanted this year to go. "Expect everything to be full steam ahead this year. Make sure all you do is up front and you communicate clearly. It's important you trust and are guided by your gut feelings about everyone and everything". My horoscope also says "it's time to start creating the life you have always wanted- this is the perfect opportunity to clear any deep-seated issues standing in your way. AND BEST OF ALL "You've faced a lot of lessons concerning your finances since October 2009- those who have mastered these challenges will find themselves in a positive position this year".

I don't know where this positiveness and excitement came from, but I love it. I think finishing uni is one of the best things I have ever done. Finally I am happy with what I have already achieved and ready to start achieving more. 2012 is going to be my year!

ps; I'm thinking of getting a new tattoo. I have one small one in mind (which would go on the back of my neck above my hope tattoo) and one larger one (which will go on my side back/ribs). I can't decide, so I think I might get both.

The Opposed Point of View

I often write and think about the topic of marriage. Maybe it's because I am 21 and have been in a relationship for over six years, or maybe it's because the topic absolutely fascinates me. I have come to realise, the older I get the less I believe in the institutionalized idea of modern day marriage. This is something that always seems to land me in hot water with those around me who thing marriage is still the most grand and wonderful thing.

Let me explain. My mother and my grandmother have both been divorced. In fact, my family is somewhat the statistic with half of my mums siblings divorced and half still married (okay there are only four of them, but still that's the statics). My boyfriends mother is divorced, his dad has been divorced twice, almost all (or possibly all) his aunties and uncles are divorced, his grandma...also divorced. My best friend, her parents are divorced. So as you can see, I have little belief that a) marriage is 'forever' and b) even if it is 'forever' that you will be happy 'forever'. Now when I explain this belief to people I know they usually treat me like a crazy person. The usual response 'why get married if you already think you are going to get divorced?'. I don't think I'm going to get divorced, I don't want to get divorced, I hope that I am doing anything and everything within my power to make the right decision and most importantly I plan on working on my future marriage to ensure a) it stays in tact and b) we are both happy.

The typical argument surrounding this discussion by friends who have married parents is that parents SHOULD always stay together for their children. For a lack of better words, fuck that shit. My parents are divorced and I am a much better person because of that. Unlike a lot of girls my age, I respect my mum for the decision she made and for the person she is. If she had stayed in that marriage, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be a lot more screwed up than I am now. I have great morals and values which were instilled in me both pre and post divorce. I know how shit works, I know how life is and I know that it isn't all sun shine and lolly pops. Though my 'pre divorce' house wasn't bad, my 'post divorce home' was amazing. I know without a doubt in my mind my siblings and I are my mums number 1 priority and she didn't spend my adolescent years pining to fix a marriage that was broken beyond repair. She is strong, she is independent and most importantly my mum is happy. I never have and never will believe two people should live in a miserable marriage just for their kids. If you want your parents to be in that situation you are horribly selfish AND if you think a "broken family" isn't a family, you have no idea of the meaning of the word.

Now don't get me wrong, just because I don't believe in marriage doesn't mean I'm not going to give it my best shot. Marriage is like a pain in the ass ex friend who you don't trust but you want to give your friendship one more go. I won't be entering into a marriage lightly. I would never marry someone that wasn't truly my best friend and someone who understands my skeptical belief in marriage. I hope and pray to god, the day I do decide to get married that it works out for me. I hope that I'm the 50% of couples who stays married. But I would rather be in the 50% of people who get divorced, than one of those people who stayed married while unhappy. My own happiness, my partners happiness and the happiness of my future children should and will always be my number one priority.

However, after saying all this and being as cynical and disapproving of marriage as I am I can't wait to get married. I'm lucky I have a great boyfriend. I'm lucky that away from the love and the mushy stuff, I just like him and like to be around him. 2012 will mark our 7 year anniversary, that's two-three years away from when my parents got divorced. I often think maybe the recipe to a successful marriage is not to get married. But I do know a small number of couples who give me hope that getting married will be the right decision for me. As I said, I am going to give it my best go, work hard and fight for what I believe in. Fingers crossed, the day it happens that it works out for us!

First Time For Everything

I'm guilty of putting too much emphasis on new years eve. Typically I go out of my way to ensure I have a good night because I am superstitious that if I don't my year will be bad. As far as last night goes, it was one of the worst. However, instead of viewing this in my typical negative and superstitious way, I am going to convince myself that the year ended as it was...a mess. Because of this, I am not going to dwell on the negativity and instead I'm going to focus on the good things 2012 has to offer.

Typically, I am not much of a new years resolution person. But I feel 2012 deserves a few resolutions. 2012 will be my first 'adult' year of life, first year of uni and moving forward into the 'real world'. I want to focus my year on figuring out how this new chapter of my life is going to work and finding a balance happiness. So my resolutions are:

• Read more books, particularly not trashy novels about celebrities
• Exercise regularly and continue eating healthy, not a diet just a lifestyle.
• Figure out where I want my career to go and do what ever I need to get there.
• Spend quality time with the boyfriend, without quantity we now need quality.
• Improve myself.
• Spend more time without the TV on, in particular one night a week completely TV-less
• Do something creative.
• Write more, write for myself as well as others
• Do let others bring me down, do what is right for me and the people I love and not care what others think.
• Finish renovating my house and finally make it a home
• Get my finances back in order, be smart with my money

So we will see how this goes. 2012 will be the year for change, the year for growth and the year to finally become an adult.