Appreciation.

I think appreciation comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. The people in our lives we should appreciate the most, usually end up being the people we appreciate the least. The people who offer stability, certainty, fun, companionship and all those other wonderful things in life, we often take for granted and replace with people who mean little to us and come and go.

I take my friendships quiet seriously (as serious as friends can be). I lead a busy life, therefore the people I have in my life are the ones I want their. Unless your one of the maybe 10 people I consider a friend, your an acquaintance to me. I spent so much of my high school life wanting to have a lot of 'friends', actually thinking about it now I spent a lot of my life before high school doing the same thing. I am a people pleaser. I am walking in to a profession where we strive to please everyone and do it all while keeping a calm, organised and happy exterior. So in life, I usually try to do the same (not by choice). I aim to make everyone in my life happy, I put most people in my life before myself yet still lack to basic ability to show my appreciation for what they do for me.

In life, I strive for simplicity. I want people in my life who I don't have to work to please, people who I can be myself around and that expect nothing from me. I give a lot, but I don't want the people in my life to expect me to give. That's exactly what I want in life, simplicity. People I can do nothing with and thats all we need; talk, drink, eat, talk crap. That's what I appreciate from my friends and family. I appreciate the ability to be myself so much so that it's not exhausting to be around them. When life gets exhausting, stressful and over the top, I love that I can come home to a boyfriend who cooks me dinner, brings me wine, kisses me on the forehead and spends the whole evening watching our favourite shows and talking crap.

I appreciate people who balance me out; they level me in a way that I need and keep me grounded. The people in my life are easy, even when they need me for what ever they are still easy to be around. It's something I have never truly realised. I love 'giving' when it comes to a friendship or relationship; advice, company or what ever else. I appreciate the friendships where we don't need to talk every day but we are always there.

I have come to realise how hard I have worked to surround myself with some amazing people. People who I don't appreciate as much as I should, yet without them I would be nothing. So, I would like to say and you probably all know who you are. Thank you for being the people in my life who ground me and truly make me happy. I wish I was better at showing my appreciation, but you should know it's always there.

Take Me Back.

What I wouldn't give to make this next year disappear. I miss Paris. I miss Europe. I love to travel, so I can't go very long without it. We are going to Bali later this year which is easily one of my favourite places on earth, but I slightly wish for something more exciting. I want to live in Paris for a year. Spend long weekends in Spain or the French country side. I love Perth, it will always be home, yet I want to experience so much more. I am 2 and a half years away from my goal. Road trip across America, and live a year in Paris. What I wouldn't give for that to be a possibility tomorrow.

Your Happiness.

Happiness; it's something we all strive to achieve and find in life. What, or who do you base your happiness on? It seems we grow up with the expectation that our happiness in life is based on other people. Our happiness is rarely dependent on our own choices and decisions. When making the conscious effort to remove your dependency of happiness away from other people in your life, you need to spend enough time realising what actually makes you happy. A (unnamed) friend of mine is currently in the process of doing this. Removing her dependency on happiness from other people on to her, if she wants to do something to make her happy...she is going to do it. I admire that, because realistically my happiness is based on everyone and everything else in my life but me.

I have been asked; is Jesse what makes me happiest in life. Contrary to popular demand, Jesse may make me happy, even happiest in life- but he isn't what I base my happiness on. Let me explain. Some people say 'doesn't matter about anything in life as long as I have love I'm happy'. Personally, I disagree. I love love, I love to be in love, I am fantastic at being in a relationship and I am much better off in life when I have a partner (so I assume because who are we kidding, I've not been single since I was 14 years old)- BUT there is so much more I want out of life, regardless of my relationship status. My number 1 life priority is my career; finish uni, get a job, become mildly successful and earn enough money to be able to finish my travel dreams- thats my goal in life. My career (future that is) will be my priority. Not for ever, but for the next 5 years I am going to be selfish and make sure I achieve what I want too. I paid a lot of money for my university degree, and put myself through a lot of suffering- I am going to god dam make that back in my job. Now don't get me wrong, I want kids and a family and to get married and what not, but the next 5 years is for work and travel. So this is something I base a large amount of my happiness on.

My family (Jesse included), my babies (kitty and Archer), my closest group of friend (who are we kidding there is like 4 of them) and the extended people who affect my life in some way all add to my happiness in life. I don't see happiness as an overall picture based on one element, I see it as a jig saw puzzle. The sad thing about this is, there is nothing I do for myself to make me happy, other than do nothing, read or write. Happiness is so dependent on so many things. No one thing, no one person encompasses the entirety of my happiness. My life as a collective makes me happy.

Rant.

Before I start this rant let me start by saying; I know I am lucky to live in Perth. I know I am lucky to not have been devastated by floods, fires, tsunamis, volcano eruptions, earth quakes, poverty or any of the other terrible things the world faces at the moment. Like everyone else, I hate the dire situations happening in Japan, New Zealand, Queensland and everywhere else. I understand how terrible it is, I wish I could help and my heart completely and utterly goes out to anyone who was involved or knows someone involved. So if after reading this rant you want to make a comment on how I should consider myself lucky, I know I should but I want to rant, this in my blog and therefore if you don't like my opinion stop reading.

Now. For what I was really here to rant about. Yes, I know I am using the word rant a lot. Why? Because that's what it is; me bitching, complaining and being angry. To the point.

For those of you who don't know me, or my situation, or possibly have forgotten. I live out of home, have done so since I was 18. I chose (yes KEYWORD chose) to move out young because my boyfriend and I wanted to live together but both being the stubborn idiots we are didn't want to live exclusively with one of our families. When I first moved out I rented, went to uni and worked quite a lot. Since I moved out I have always worked, again by choice. I chose to work 20-35 hours a week (it slowly went up) not because we 'needed' money, but more because I wanted to enjoy life. I have been on a holiday every year since I have moved out and I worked very hard to give myself a 70+ average at uni and still be able to do what I love (like dinners and travelling). Recently, I went to Europe. So for 6 months before I worked 32 hours a week, did part time uni and saved for our trip. That was great. So as you can imagine, I have paid my fair share in taxes, and as mentioned worked extremely hard. The beginning of 2010 I worked myself too hard. I was doing full time uni and way too much work, so basically I completely run myself to the ground which resulted in continual painful migraines and my body crapping out on me.

So, to bring us up to date at the end of last year, I quit my job and decided I needed to focus on uni. My old job stressed me out a lot and I found I was becoming unhappy which lead to me being mentally exhausted.

Currently, I am unemployed. Don't assume I am a bum because I work (FOR FREE) as an intern 2 days a week and I go to uni 2 full days a week. This means I have very limited free time. Financially, not working is a larger burden than I assumed, we have a mortgage which continually rises in repayments so I find we are surviving but struggling, and the once luxurious life I led is now gone. This is where the rant begins. Uni is pretty much taking everything out of me, mainly because I do 5 units. So I made the decision that for the year it would be best to either find casual work (which is almost impossible) or go on student centerlink. You would think after all my hard work, dedication I would be assisted by the government to finish my degree. Wrong. Firstly; to get on Australian youth allowance you need to have worked full time for 24 months....which I am just short of. Secondly; I have a boyfriend. So because I have a boyfriend who earns a decent wage and technically classed as defacto I am entitled to no compensation from the government to study.

How is it fair that my boyfriend (for which all they know we have been together 6 months) is expected to pay for my living expenses? How is it fair that though I have been working since I was 14, and earning enough money to pay taxes since I was 16 I am not entitled to help when I need it. The government try push for you to go to university, yet offer you nothing in return. I think the whole system is pathetic. Yes, there are people who may need it more than me...but at least I have given my fair share and deserve to ask for help. Yes, I maybe shouldn't have moved out of home, but I did and it happened. We have a government which donates a quarter of the money they donated to Indonesian Tsunami Appeal that it did to the Queensland Appeal. A government who shelters, houses and assists people from other countries seeking refuge yet pays single parents barely enough money to live on. A government which has a 5 year waiting list for state housing.

Yes, I know they do a lot of good too. But it seems to me, the Australian government are set on helping anyone and everyone but their own people. So I am done with my rant; bring on your comments but just remembers- this is my blog, not yours.

Family; it's in the eye of the beholder.

'A social unit living together; primary social group, parents & children; an association of people who share a common beliefs or activities'

What makes a family? I have recently been told that together, Jesse and I are a family which has lead to me thinking; what makes a family? Until now I have never considered a couple to be a family. No matter if you have a house, or a dog...your not a family until you have a child. It's something I have never given much thought too, but in my mind it makes sense; a couple are not a family, they are just that...a couple.

When someone called us each others family it got me to thinking and questioning the idea of what makes a family. I have spoken with a few people on the matter, both of which agree that your not a family without children, but it seems we are all open to have our opinions changed. What if Jesse and I could never have kids? Does that mean we will for ever miss out on the opportunity to be a family?

You create a family. Two people make the decision to create a life together, inclusive of a family, pets and children. So what if the scope of the family you create if just yourself and your partner? Don't get me wrong, I want kids...I can't wait to start a family. I just can't come to an agreement in my mind whether I can consider a partner my family before we have children, or possibly even get married. Which poses another question; are you a family if you get married and share a last name? When does it change? I would consider my relationship more healthy, filled with more happiness and more balanced than many marriages- so why are they a family because of a piece of paper. Is it an age thing? Will I consider us a family when I am older?

I find it so interesting. Perception is the key in this discussion. I would never consciously state Jesse and I are a family, not until we are married and most likely not until we have kids. But I am not opposed to the idea that we are in a sense each others family. Because really what is family? By definition it could mean anything; emotions show that it is dependent on the context your talking about it in. To me; family are the people who are there throughout the good, the bad and always, no matter what love me unconditionally. So maybe I could consider my boyfriend, who means the world to me a part of my family?