Dear Lover.

Well it's come and gone. My favourite day of the year, October 23rd. The day I get to remember and celebrate finding the most amazing person, who has easily became the love of my life. Its a day which always makes me sit and think about that day so many years ago, that time which was so difficult but purely so amazing and worthwhile. I think sometimes I forget how lucky I am. Lucky to have him, lucky to have my friends, my family, my puppy and my life. Sometimes I forget, that so many people would so much as dream for what I have.

Jesse; you truly are the most amazing person I know. I don't know what I would do without you and how I was so blessed to find you. Thank you for making me laugh and for being my best friend. Your my other half and without you I am lost. Forever & Always.

Here are some photos of the day :)

Rollercoaster.

I am on a fucking rollercoaster. Kinda feeling like my life is going around and around in an up and down loop. Is this what happens when you start getting old? Life better start going my way again, I am not in the mood for another low, keep me on that high because I am getting sick of this round and round shit. So hopefully, soon I will have some amazingly good news to post to you all, other wise back down I go.

But on another note, most of our accommodation for Europe is booked. Planes are booked, trains are in the process. Our little holiday is coming along rather nicely. Now just to survive the end of this semester with uni and we are all set. Paris for Christmas and Barcelona for New Years here we come! Now excuse me, off to one of my favourite asian places for dinner!

Eyes Wide Open?

I have always considered myself a realist, I see through bullshit and I take things for how they are. This is something which I consider especially relevant when regarding love. I have been in a relationship since I was 15 years old. I am with someone who I truly know inside and out, I could read his mind and I am sure he could read mine. I know his flaws, I accept them and learn to love the parts of him which once I considered a deal breaker. He is my best friend; the one person in this world I trust without question. My other half; he balances me out, corrects my flaws by being my perfect opposite. We are in love, sometimes in love like little school children. We play like kids and act like young teenagers who first met. But above all he is my friend; I like to spend my time with him over any one else.

After 5 years marriage is no longer a question, its something which will happen. Something we openly talk about and discuss, something which I believe so strongly in and he realises that need for me to one day hopefully in the not too distance future, fulfill. Coming from two sets of divorced parents, marriage isn't something either of us take lightly. As Courtney Cox got engraved on her wedding ring 'a deals a deal' and that also is my idea behind marriage. I have always though I am walking in to marriage with my eyes wide open. Divorce, its a possibility but not unless we have fought extremely hard to ensure we have done everything we can to not make it happen. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to divorce, I am marrying for life, not for fun but I see the potential of divorce.

So my question...am I looking at relationships and marriage with my eyes wide open? Or am I plaguing my mind with negative thoughts? I see people who have dated for a short period of time and they pollute my facebook with their engagement and ridiculous notions of love for one another. Is it bad that I look at that and roll my eyes and think negative thoughts? When I get married, I will be marrying my best friend. A person who I have a complete respect, admiration and adoration for. Someone who I love to spend my time with and the man who makes me happier and feeling more secure and content than I ever thought I could feel in life. I am not going to proclaim this love in mushy count downs to my wedding on facebook. I am not going to be engaged for years and post monthly, weekly or even daily updates of my upcoming wedding. Most of you would be so lucky to know I was engaged, let alone married. To me, marriage is a private and personal thing. Something which for me would be low key and intimate and basically putting a last name and piece of paper to something we have been living for years. Am I a cold hearted bitch? Or I am more realistic than those people polluting my wall with their engagement count down?

My point of view of love, relationships and marriage usually get disapproving looks. People my age just don't understand how mushy lovey dovey over the top crap just doesn't sit well with me. I like my realistic outlook on relationships, and obviously my outlook has proved successful as I have spent 5 years watching people around me and their relationships come and go.

There is a quote I found a few years back, from a movie I can't remember. It is a complete explanation of my frame of mind and highlights my idea of marriage

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Back in Disarray.

Didn't think I would be here again. Back to not knowing. Back to waiting for some event to push off a whole new bunch of exciting and new things. Kinda like the domino effect, waiting for one to fall which in turn, ensures a the next domino falls and the next and the next. I made a decision, screw working and back to uni full time next semester! But then (as usual) a spanner in the works has made me doubt my decision. Realistically, I don't want to go back to uni full time next semester and finish my degree by the end of 2011. Why? Because I know how much hard work it will be; emotionally, physically and financially. I want to be able to work and take my time with my degree, but I want my work to be worth while. I don't want to be wasting my time at a job which has no benefit for my future unless it's purely for the reason that it is convenient for my education. So, in my dreams, I will find a job which is so educationally and financially fulfilling and rewarding that I will not be over come with guilt to continue my studies part time. Otherwise, I will see you all in 2012 because I will NEVER be leaving home in 2011 due to work and study commitments.

On another note, I have high expectations for next year. This year has seemed to be a little bit slack and not at all worth while. It's been a fun year filled with too much partying, drinking and spending A LOT of money. It's been a year where in a lot of ways I have actually felt my age, instead of a twenty something year old trapped in a teenagers body. Some times people forget, though I own a house, have a long term relationship and have a little family with Jesse, Kitty and Archer...realistically I am a twenty year old who made the decision to grow up a little too fast. So I am taking the time for myself, the time for my friends, family and relationship and also allowing myself to fuck up (let me tell you now I am pretty good at fucking up). I think this is something many of you forget, to give me a break and stop continually treating me like an adult. Next years goal is to sort the shit out, and get back on track. I just wish something would point me in the right direction!

Europe is quickly approaching and for a control freak like myself I am unbelievably unprepared. Accommodation is almost complete, planes are booked, trains are in progress and money is somewhat acquired, but I have no plans of what to do when we get there! I have little idea on what these beautiful cities we plan on residing in have to offer and to be honest, for once in my life, I am happy to just figure it out as I go. All I want is unbelievably breathtaking romance, food and a lot of fantastic wine!