I Love This City.

I don't care what any one else says. I love Perth. I love it's simplicity and ability to have so many beautiful secrets. I love it's short lived history. It's beaches and parks. I love it's restaurants and cute little bars. To me, I would never permanently live any where else. Though I can't wait for our temporary relocation to Paris or any where else my work takes me, there is no where in this world I would rather live than the place I already call home.

Today's adventure: Cottesloe, Fremantle, the Foreshore & Kings Park

What's The Rush?

It is now my fourth year out of high school. Whilst in many ways I still feel like I am 17, I know I have grown up so much since then. Unlike many people my age I have a house and a long term relationships. I enjoy cooking and have the annoy chore of keeping a house semi tidy. Seeing as I have a lot of friends who are older than me, it seems engagement parties, weddings and babies are all the rage at the moment- neither of which are on the agenda for 2011 for me. I find it interesting this whole notion that at 21 we should be getting engaged or married and it something I often discuss at length. I have quite a few opinions on the matter-obviously which are very different to that of most people I know because not many people I know are in my particular situation.

I think to be engaged you have to live together first. By living together I don't mean spend every night at each others houses and I don't mean living with your parents. I have been there and done that for about 3 years before I moved out of home. Living together with your own rent or mortgage is it's own experience which, from my experience can alter a relationship. Stress, money, cooking, cleaning and the fact that you put yourself in a situation which results in a whole lot of alone time can impact a relationship both negatively and positively.

My opinion and perception on marriage and engagement is quite unique to those around me. I am in a situation where marriage isn't a question. It's going to happen, when we have the time and money to make it what we want. However, I want to be proposed too. I am a sucker for romance and I wouldn't marry someone who didn't go out of their way to make it special. I have been asked if I like the fact I know where my relationship is heading and the security which that provides. Though, I am secure enough in my relationship to not need to be engaged at 20, in ways I also feel like I am watching a movie where I know the ending. I am lucky enough to be able to get married young yet still have over 6 years of 'dating' behind me to know I am making the right choice.

I miss the times where my friends were changing relationships and our discussions didn't often result in wedding or baby talk. I feel 21 is too young to freely and openly discuss our semi-planned wedding destinations or the fact our boyfriends want to have babies with us. It's amazing myself and so many of my friends are in long term, secure relationships- yet a part of me wonders how we all ended up in these situations so young? I love weddings. I love engagement parties. I love the notion of love, romance and commitment. However, when you really stop and think about what kind of commitment we are all gearing ourselves up for I can't help but laugh. I was never going to be a girl who went from guy to guy, partying and hooking up with randoms. I also didn't think I would of been a 21 year old who has been in a relationship for 6 years.

I am a 'planner', I have goals which I strive to achieve on a continual basis. So this point in my life, evaluating what has happened to date I can't help but realise no matter how hard you try, it doesn't always go to plan. Its the uncertainty and unexpected things which often turn out the best. I never would have thought my 'rebound' boy who wore his pants half way down is butt, never left home without a backpack and had hair which covered his eyes would be the boy I planned to spend my life with.

I guess it comes back to my old, favourite saying; everything happens for a reason, reasons which are often unknown yet always make sense in hind sight. So I guess, what this little ramble is trying to get to and the point I am trying to make is that sometimes I wonder if we are all growing up to quickly. As children and teenagers we couldn't wait to get a little older. Now we can't wait to move out of home, get engaged, get married, have children and move on to any milestone we can. Once you reach each milestone you can't go back, and then you have the rest of your life to do what you have achieved so really, what's the rush?

The Dream.

I have made a decision; not a large one, but a decision all the same.

I will start living life the day I finish my degree.

Until then it's studying and school in the week; and weekends like this one.

Weekends spent at cute bars with lovely ladies & sitting at friends houses drinking Appletini's.

I have been looking at everyone around me too much lately and started to forget what I am focusing on.

One of my friends has moved to London and is doing so many amazing things.

Another of my friends has her dream job working with animals.

Thirdly, I have another friend who becomes an air hostess today.

Everyone seems to be accomplishing their dreams whilst I'm lagging behind.

I am counting down the days until this degree is finished; the day I can seriously plan our next few major holiday destinations.

3 weeks in China and Tibet;

1 month travelling Vietnam, Thailand, Laos and Cambodia;

3-6 months driving America

1 year living in Paris

1 month in Croatia, Morocco, Portugal, Spain and Turkey

I seriously need to win the god dam lotto- or some how come in to some serious money to fund these dreams.

My Flaws.

I think a lot, about everything. The current topic of discussion playing out in my mind is myself, as a person. You may think it sounds self absorbed, but I have come up with a little bit of an idea of flaws within my mind. Pessimistic? Possibly. But I think you need to know your flaws before you can accept your strengths.

I am a logical person, so when I want something done I do the logical steps to accomplish it. I'm unconfident within my own abilities, which is detrimental to my logicality. Let me explain. I have spent a lot of time and effort at university. Unlike many people who aim to work within the public relation profession, I have put in a lot of hard work. Good grades and a decent amount of work experience- it's unlikely that I am not going to get the job I want when I graduate (cocky I know). My skills and ability are fine; I know I am intelligent, creative, passionate and dedicated. Yet when presented the opportunity to get a career or work without someone to guide me I freeze. I need guidance, I don't trust myself self enough or believe in my own abilities enough to progress. It's a hindrance. As a logical person this bugs me. Usually if I have a problem I set logical goals and step to over come in- yet how do you overcome under-confidence?

Fake it to you make it. It's an idea which has been implemented by many graduates and I am sure I will soon become one of those people. Yet I hate the fact I have a problem I can't solve. I am a control freak- so I hate feeling I can't change something. I am strong enough to know I am not a confident person, and wise enough to admit it.

I love that I am focusing on my career. I love at the moment it's my passion. Apparently I should be looking at having a baby about now (hi mum). Yet my energy is focused on myself and my relationship. I am proud to admit, I am selfish. At the moment, I want it to be about me, and really why shouldn't it be? I love children, I can't wait to have them- yet I don't see your early 20's the time to do that. I have my whole life to be a mother, yet only so many years to be myself. By the term myself I mean Jade; not child's mother, his wife and so on. I want to learn to respect myself and make my own baring on life. I won't accept myself as a women who never had a career or never got to do the things I want to do. I don't judge those who have kids young- if it had happened to me I would have loved it. But I expect the same in return. My life choices aren't the incorrect ones- societal expectations are not for to have a child before I'm 21.

So I urge you all to consider this; at this stage in your life why shouldn't you be selfish? Once you have a child, you never don't have one. I love this time in my life is for myself and that I can spend my time focusing on my flaws and finding out how to fix them.

Settling into Winter.

The first week of slightly cooler weather could not have come any sooner for me. It's funny, I truly love the summer; the beach, sunshine, beer and the ability to not have to worry about an umbrella. But a part of me is also quite fond of the winter. I love autumn and the fact it's that time of the year where you start 'settling in to winter'- by which I mean you start layering your clothing, drinking tea and spending weekends at home.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the idea of dependency (predominantly within a relationship). I don't consider dependency an overly bad notion, depending on the context that is. I prefer to spend my time on the weekends with my boyfriend. I like to spend Saturday running errands, cleaning, taking Archer to the beach and then spending Sundays eating bacon and eggs for breakfast and doing a little exploring of this wonderful city. I don't consider myself dependent for this reason, it's just my choice. I like the fact that I have finally come to a stage where I don't mind being 'looked after', I don't mind having someone else in my life who can cook for me when I'm too tired, who is the primary 'bread winner' and makes me feel safe. However, I also like the fact that we can look after each other- it's a two way street.

To be honest, I think it's the weather which makes me feel this way. Winter is the time to be cuddly and romantic. I have also realised how I kinda like being 'on a budget', for the first time of my adult life I have to be resourceful with my money and it's kinda fun and teaching me things I never thought I would need to learn.

Life is good. For the first time in a while, I am truly content with what I am doing and where I am heading. I have so much to be grateful and thankful for. Now to finish this blog with a quote. I would like to dedicate this quote to my nanna, because it's a quote she showed me a long time ago and told me one day I would really understand it. It's a quote I live by now, and something many of you should take in to consideration too.

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

Fate.

I strongly rely on my own intuition, that feeling I get when something is wrong or right. A feeling I can't describe yet I know so well. It's pretty good. I am a relatively good judge of character, I am guarded enough to not let people in and wise enough to not lack trust when I have a good feeling about someone. As I have grown older I have began to realise my gut feeling is usually right, yet sometimes I find it's completely wrong...just to keep me on my toes. I get a certain feeling about jobs; occasionally I get this feeling when I go for a job interview and I just know I am going to get it. I just know it's going to be the job of my dreams and put me on the path I should be on. Consequently, I believe in fate and I know above all else fate will take control and often throw my intuition off course.

When I was a kid, I dreamed my future was like a tree. Starting from the trunk, the base, it branched off in crazy and multiple directions. Each decision I make, each action I take can potentially lead me in to a path I never knew was coming. That scares me. It scares me that one small decision can evidently alter the course of my future. When I begin to get anxious about this idea, that one decision I make could potentially create or destroy my future I stop and think about fate. I strongly believe that we are all heading in a particular direction. Our direction can be altered by the people around us or the choices or decisions we make, but overall fate is going to guide us to where we want and need to be.

As I have mentioned before, I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. You break up because your soul mate is waiting for you, you don't get a job because a better one is out there, or you struggle through your last year of university so you have a moral to teach your children. I believe most things happen for a divine reason, though we may not see it today or tomorrow, one day we will look back and go 'ahh now I get it'. However, since the end of last year and my first experience with death which wasn't due to old age my faith in fate itself began to falter. Still to this day, I see no reason for such a pointless and unexplained death. I know some people are destined to die young, but it's the people who are left behind who are left with the consequences. So, to be honest, that death will always remain a mystery to me.

My belief in my own intuition and fate often feel contradictory to me. When faced with two options, I usually go with my gut under the belief that fate is guiding me where I need to go. But when I am stuck between decisions, I tend to over analyse it to the point where my gut feeling is tainted by thought. Sometimes, I wish my life was a movie. That way I could fast forward to the end and know what path I end up on.