My Flaws.

I think a lot, about everything. The current topic of discussion playing out in my mind is myself, as a person. You may think it sounds self absorbed, but I have come up with a little bit of an idea of flaws within my mind. Pessimistic? Possibly. But I think you need to know your flaws before you can accept your strengths.

I am a logical person, so when I want something done I do the logical steps to accomplish it. I'm unconfident within my own abilities, which is detrimental to my logicality. Let me explain. I have spent a lot of time and effort at university. Unlike many people who aim to work within the public relation profession, I have put in a lot of hard work. Good grades and a decent amount of work experience- it's unlikely that I am not going to get the job I want when I graduate (cocky I know). My skills and ability are fine; I know I am intelligent, creative, passionate and dedicated. Yet when presented the opportunity to get a career or work without someone to guide me I freeze. I need guidance, I don't trust myself self enough or believe in my own abilities enough to progress. It's a hindrance. As a logical person this bugs me. Usually if I have a problem I set logical goals and step to over come in- yet how do you overcome under-confidence?

Fake it to you make it. It's an idea which has been implemented by many graduates and I am sure I will soon become one of those people. Yet I hate the fact I have a problem I can't solve. I am a control freak- so I hate feeling I can't change something. I am strong enough to know I am not a confident person, and wise enough to admit it.

I love that I am focusing on my career. I love at the moment it's my passion. Apparently I should be looking at having a baby about now (hi mum). Yet my energy is focused on myself and my relationship. I am proud to admit, I am selfish. At the moment, I want it to be about me, and really why shouldn't it be? I love children, I can't wait to have them- yet I don't see your early 20's the time to do that. I have my whole life to be a mother, yet only so many years to be myself. By the term myself I mean Jade; not child's mother, his wife and so on. I want to learn to respect myself and make my own baring on life. I won't accept myself as a women who never had a career or never got to do the things I want to do. I don't judge those who have kids young- if it had happened to me I would have loved it. But I expect the same in return. My life choices aren't the incorrect ones- societal expectations are not for to have a child before I'm 21.

So I urge you all to consider this; at this stage in your life why shouldn't you be selfish? Once you have a child, you never don't have one. I love this time in my life is for myself and that I can spend my time focusing on my flaws and finding out how to fix them.