Fate.

I strongly rely on my own intuition, that feeling I get when something is wrong or right. A feeling I can't describe yet I know so well. It's pretty good. I am a relatively good judge of character, I am guarded enough to not let people in and wise enough to not lack trust when I have a good feeling about someone. As I have grown older I have began to realise my gut feeling is usually right, yet sometimes I find it's completely wrong...just to keep me on my toes. I get a certain feeling about jobs; occasionally I get this feeling when I go for a job interview and I just know I am going to get it. I just know it's going to be the job of my dreams and put me on the path I should be on. Consequently, I believe in fate and I know above all else fate will take control and often throw my intuition off course.

When I was a kid, I dreamed my future was like a tree. Starting from the trunk, the base, it branched off in crazy and multiple directions. Each decision I make, each action I take can potentially lead me in to a path I never knew was coming. That scares me. It scares me that one small decision can evidently alter the course of my future. When I begin to get anxious about this idea, that one decision I make could potentially create or destroy my future I stop and think about fate. I strongly believe that we are all heading in a particular direction. Our direction can be altered by the people around us or the choices or decisions we make, but overall fate is going to guide us to where we want and need to be.

As I have mentioned before, I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason. You break up because your soul mate is waiting for you, you don't get a job because a better one is out there, or you struggle through your last year of university so you have a moral to teach your children. I believe most things happen for a divine reason, though we may not see it today or tomorrow, one day we will look back and go 'ahh now I get it'. However, since the end of last year and my first experience with death which wasn't due to old age my faith in fate itself began to falter. Still to this day, I see no reason for such a pointless and unexplained death. I know some people are destined to die young, but it's the people who are left behind who are left with the consequences. So, to be honest, that death will always remain a mystery to me.

My belief in my own intuition and fate often feel contradictory to me. When faced with two options, I usually go with my gut under the belief that fate is guiding me where I need to go. But when I am stuck between decisions, I tend to over analyse it to the point where my gut feeling is tainted by thought. Sometimes, I wish my life was a movie. That way I could fast forward to the end and know what path I end up on.