Direction.

It has officially been 1 week since we have been home, and today (being Friday) was the first day I actually got to stop and indulge in my guilty pleasure, reality television. To sum the week up; I ran errands, I cleaned, I made cupcakes and cookies for Jesse, I cooked, I spent time with my family, I spent time with the 3 best friends that count and one old friend who makes my day every time I see her, I cooked some more, I organised photos, I started work experience, I worked at Mullaloo (yay some money!) and I attempted to start getting my life back on track.

Life is very much in disarray at the moment, I'm not sure what direction I want to take and how I want this year to pan out. I don't want to go back to school, I am so sick of it. I don't want to work full time, mainly due to fear that I won't return to school. I don't want to work part time, because I am scared of focusing to much energy on something which isn't contributing to my future. I don't want to not work, mainly because I hate women who stay at home full time and allow their partner to pay for everything (especially when there isn't something like kids or what not involved).

I have started to consider the possibility of centerlink and maybe some casual bar work on the side. While centerlink is something I have prided myself on not having to use, I have finally realised that this is my fourth and final year at school, I have been out of home for 3 years and I work a hell of a lot harder than most the people my age to achieve what I have so maybe getting some help would be beneficial to me. The funny thing with centerlink, is they don't want to reward good, hard work. Obviously, being in a relationship means you don't deserve any money from centerlink. Obviously, working a few hours a week (because $400 a fortnight is not sufficient to live on) means you need to be punished. Both of these things mean I struggle coming to terms with accepting centerlink.

So it seems for now, I will continue going day by day and see where life leads me. I'm not good at not working, I'm not good at lacking a general purpose. I need some direction, so now I am going to spend how ever long I need to find what that direction is.