How?

We are all trying to figure out where we are meant to go from here without such an amazing person in our lives. For me, it's no where near as difficult for Jesse, Lisa and Danny and for them, its no where near as difficult as it is for his wife. The interesting thing about this is how much is it affecting people in such different ways, even people who didn't know him are crying for him, his wife, his family and his friends. We are going to miss his funeral. How are you meant to say good bye properly without going to the funeral? Everyone keeps telling us to 'do our own thing', but it doesn't seem right...there is no way to express that he is gone. I don't feel right going to Europe without saying good bye, really I don't feel right going to Europe at all. How are we meant to go and enjoy ourselves knowing how hurt everyone is feeling here? They keep telling us he wanted us to go, he wouldn't want us dwelling on this. But how do you not? Last night Jesse and I were watching TV and forgot that survivor was on, Jason usually reminded us it was on. How do you move past that? How do you forget to watch half of his favourite show and not cry about it?

Though it's getting easier for everyone day by day, I think it is starting to scare everyone that life is going on without him. They still go to work and do their job, his wife will start to slowly regain her daily routine and one day everyone will be able to live as if it never happened. I think thats the worst part, no matter how much we don't want to let go, for the sake of living we need to say good bye and move on. Every story about him will go from becoming a sad story to one of happiness. It's not like anyone will ever forget him, you can't forget someone that amazing...but everyone will push him to the back of our minds as a distant memory and a story. I guess thats the luck thing, everyone has so many amazing stories of him and how he affected their life no matter how small or big.

I am trying to get motivated to get positive now. We can only be unmotivated and sad for so long. I am going on this trip, I need to enjoy it. I need to enjoy it because he wanted us to enjoy it. So I am going to try my best.