Support.

I often think my idea of life is somewhat unrealistic. As a child I believed adults were perfect; they didn't do drugs, they loved their husbands/wives..in my mind all your problems went away when you became an adult. The older I get the more I come to see the life I want. The simplicity, the good people, the enjoyment. However, the older I get that life I want becomes more distant to the life I know now. My life is somewhat unconventional for someone my age. I moved out of home young, I own a house, I have more responsibility than I care to admit, I have been in a committed relationship for six years- but I would never have it any other way. People around me often don't agree with my life choices, they don't support the decisions I have made and the position I am in. I am somewhat torn between the carefree 'party- girl' I want to be and the responsible girlfriend that I am. I love to drink, but to me going out isn't my priority in life. I love to go out and dance and be care free and have fun...but I know that's not something I want to do on a weekly basis. Maybe it's because I suffer horrendous hang-overs, or maybe it's because I have a perfect boyfriend sitting at home waiting for me.

I hate that feeling of being torn. I have friends who understand my lifestyle choices. Though none of my friends are fully at the stage I am, I have friends that respect I have bills to pay and a boyfriend to consider. However, I have friends who put their own concerns before mine to the point they show no understanding of my own position. I don't blame them, I just wish they accepted my life choices. I love my older friends, the friends who like dinner parties and sunday afternoons drinking wine. To be honest, I can't wait until all my friends settle down, get in committed relationships and become happy doing 'couple-y' things with me and my boyfriend. Friends who have boyfriends that make an effort with mine and actually want to hang out together. Many people don't understand why I prefer to hang out with my boyfriend over anyone else. It's simple because he is simple, our relationship is simple and being together is simple. I crave simplicity.

I am sick and tired of explaining my life choices to others. I'm sorry I am mature and smart with my money. I am sorry I own a house and care more about building my own financial future than going out and partying every night I can. My choices might not be the right ones, I may look back one day and think I wasted a time I shouldn't have, but I also believe I have a good balance for those who accept me.

I wish there was a way to completely escape drama, but it seems drama is somewhat drawn to me. I don't want that any more. I don't want difficult people in my life, however I don't know how to get rid of them. I feel I am stuck between where I was and where I want to be. I am ready to be an adult, but not ready to say good bye to my teenage years. I want to find people who understand that feeling. More than anything, I would not for a second change where I am and who I am for anyone else. I am proud of my accomplishments, proud of the person I have become and how far I have come from who I used to be. My future offers so much and I think not many people can say that. I may be scared of the future, scared of the 'real world', scared I may lose my friends and my current lifestyle...but I am excited for the challenge and ready to embrace what is coming. I just wish the people around me could support me in the way I dream.